Adoption is difficult. There. I said it. It was not difficult for me to decide to adopt, it was not hard for me to fall in love with a baby that I had never seen, and it is terribly easy for me to love both my girls exactly the same. Doesn’t matter to me if my kids ever lived in my tummy……. they are still my kids (and I say kid’s’ plural, because I hope to adopt more kids someday…).
The hardest thing for me about adoption, and if I’m being honest it really is the hardest thing in my entire life is that part of Kia has been left behind, and I don’t think she will ever get it back. When Matt and I were in Ethiopia picking up that sweet baby girl of ours we had an amazing opportunity to meet her mother. This is something I wanted so very badly to do, but I guess I never really thought about how it may effect me.
Step into that day with me. We pulled into the orphange and got out of the car. I noticed a girl sitting in a chair next to the side walk. I thought this *might be Kia’s mom, but I didn’t really want to look at her yet because I wasn’t quite ready. We walk into the orphanage and sit in a small room on uncomfortable couches next to our friends who had also just adopted a baby. We had asked them to come with us to video tape the meeting. As we sit uncomfortably for what seemed like eternity, in walks the orphanage director with a girl who appeared to be scared and very nervous (much like myself…) She was dressed in a skirt and had a wrap around her head. She was beautiful. I did the best I could to hold back tears and work through this meeting. The orphanage director had to interperate everything for us, so it was a rather long process. We started asking simple questions-
‘whats you name?’ Saraah ’how old are you?’ etc.
Once we finished with basic questions we started asking her about her life, and being pregnant, having Kia and choosing a different life for Kia. This is when it got real tough. It started to hit me. This woman loved her baby. She wanted to keep her. It was not for selfish reasons that she put this beautiful healthy happy little girl up for adoption. It was because she had become sick after child-birth, couldn’t work, was in the hospital and due to those events was unable to provide herself and Kia with that which they needed to live. She tried. I think she REALLY tried to make it work. But she realized it was no use. With a new baby, and no family support there was no way she could make enough income to give Kia what she needed. She wanted that baby to live. TO have a chance. To succeed. This wonderful woman loved her baby so much. SO MUCH. So much that she made the ultimate decision to bring her to an orphanage and never to see her again. Can you even imagine?? Can you imagine what she was thinking on the 3 hour trip to the orphanage from her village? Can you even fathom what she was thinking on the 3 hour drive back home? That day at the orphanage I gripped onto that wonderful lady in a giant hug, sobbing. I have no idea what she was thinking about me… but I just could not let go of her. I knew that it was likely the last time I would ever see her and that was an awful thought. My baby would officially be leaving behind everything she had know, and every thing that mattered to her. Her country, her culture, her traditions, her mother. gone.
My heart breaks for this woman. My heart breaks for Kia, as she has lost something I can not replace. It doesn’t matter if I am super mom…. I can not replace Kia’s first mother. There is truly not a single day that goes by, not one. Ever. That I do not think about Kia’s mom, and break down into tears. Adoption is hard.
This all boils down to money. Had Kia’s mom been fortunate enough to have an income, she could have kept Kia. I have enough money to buy basically whatever I need, even much of what I want. Yet this woman, and so many women around the world do not have enough money to keep their babies. That my friends… is messed up.
This all brings me to what God is doing through Matt and his group in Tanzania. In order to make a better life for the poor and the orphans in Tanzania the country needs a better education system, health care and jobs in order pull themselves out of poverty. We cannot just give them the money to build these programs–No one has ever pulled themselves out of poverty through a hand-out–. The money and the ideas need to come from Tanzanians. The people of Tanzania were born with the same intelligence and talents as anyone of us but years of being given just enough to stay poor through colonialism, socialism and dependency on corrupt governments and foreign aid have caused many people to forget how to become prosperous. Matt’s heart is for the widow and the orphan but God is using him to help rise up Christian business people whose impact on the community will be felt in the community for decades after we are gone. When Christian Businesspeople are given the opportunity to take out loans and grow their businesses they can witness to others 6 days a week in the marketplace. They can create jobs for people who so desperately need them. A Christ-centered business training that brings success will also allow people who cannot be reached by the local church an opportunity to hear the message of the gospel while they learn how to run a business the way God intended. This my friends, is going to help keep children in Tanzania where they belong. With their mom and dad. Matt’s heart is for children, and while he will not be working directly with many children (although he will be doing some teaching in the school system, but not fulltime…) he will be impacting children’s lives and knowing Matt, it won’t take long for the children of the village to learn how super fun he is, and i’m sure we will have many kids waiting in our yard to play with him 
WOW!!! This post got super long! I was going to talk about the affects of orphan care and share an AMAZING story I recently heard, but that will have to wait for another day Thanks for making it all the way to the end of this post. Please remember our family in your prayers. Pray for Kia’s mom. Pray for Kia. Someday she’s going to want to know where her mom is……
-lindsey
God is good, and he cares for us. I have learned that doing what God asks always turns out better than when I follow my own plan 
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